Alpa Desai's blogs

 It has been hard few years, almost 30 now since I started to see the world with different lenses each time, I had a bad or an ugly perspicacity. And most will agree, once you have been there; it becomes enduring to trust further. I prefer not to use another synonym for TRUST because it is an extremely powerful appellation! For me personally, my whole world and life revolves around this expression – be it through words or actions. Once trust is faltered – that is pretty much the epilogue; given any situation or a person. Healing is very kindred to trust – and trust needs to be faltered to heal – every single feeling starts with TRUST - be it love, affection, warmth, respect, admiration. You love, respect, admire only if you have TRUST; be it in yourself or the other person or situation. Healing is subjective and connected to grief – faltered trust comes with grief. I believe grief is the worst ardour in the system, next to guilt. Guilt is still by far the worst for ...

 She was caroling and shy of turning seventeen in a couple of months. She was not an archetypal nineties teenager, conformative. She was a mutineer, sailing away from the world into hers. She was untamed, arrogant, hot-headed – she was entitled, she was a genius, talented! A long way from humbling experiences yet to come. All her cousins were aiding each other with the henna that night. She was sitting in one corner, on a staircase of 4 stairs, clothed in a black top with white, little flowers and the top tucked into her pink shorts. Drawing some random leaves on her right hand with the henna, she felt a shadow looming towards her. She turns to her right, thinking about this thirty years later and laughing to herself that he did not know how to begin a tête-à-tête. She was swagger enough to disregard his presence without realizing her world was going to turn upside down in less than two days. Come next day, there were various ceremonies for the wedding, but she is there only fo...

Sounds intense! This is, however, a reality for almost 70% if not 80% or 90% of women go through in their lives on an almost daily basis especially if they live in a patriarchal community. For starters, none of men nor women even realize or can comprehend the terms because it is embedded or ingrained as a part of or in the name of “culture”. In this write–up, I do not want to solely victimize women; men too, capitulate to matriarchal power-play however this is about me and my perspective and my experiences due to which I am who I am today. Call it gullibility or teenage naiveté, I could not assimilate male narcissism or chauvinism until my first ex duped me and walked out without a justification. And even after reconnecting after nearly 3 decades, the person does not have the modesty or humility to provide any explanation. It is just the way men in a patriarchal community are ingrained – they are taught to believe they do not owe anything to anybody. Ironically, these people can ne...

The idea of finding all sorts of people across the globe is ordinary; but the real eye-opener for me was when I was thunder bolted with culture shock at “home”, in the country I was born and bred. After having lived overseas for over 2 decades and not many reasons to visit, I felt totally alienated to the entire culture on my last couple of visits. We talk about racism in western countries, but I had a few encounters in my own home solely because of the blonde colour of my hair. I was called, “corona” whilst crossing a road, a passenger sitting next to me on a train decided to move only because of that reason -this was during the pandemic. Ironically, I come from a country which didn’t have a single case of Covid for over 2 years ! Let alone strangers, I had a few ordeals with my own family starting with denouncing a post on social media where I would say I have no regrets I have raised my daughter in a certain way and she doesn’t speak any Indian languages – the criticism lays i...

  As much as the idea is alluring, it’s still only an idea. As a matter of fact, if the idea still exists; the worthwhile is repudiated. Recently, over and above all my experiences in the last 44 odd years I have lived on this planet, I have come across so many escapades that make me wonder – are we getting it right? (Without trying to sound sanctimonious). I recently watched a show on TV promoting feminism; the women are powerful nevertheless. The women are career driven, they put their careers before families, relationships, changing partners by hurting their feelings without regret. The whole idea driven in the sho w is delinquent.   The idea is to give choices to women as well as men. The idea is about equality without hating the other gender. A woman could still be a stay-at-home mum, make lunches for husbands, dropping children to school without losing her identity, respect. The movement should be about respecting her choices regardless of her views, her lifestyl...